"Special Music" and the "performance" of playing / singing in church

While I was researching John W. Peterson to do a paper on him, I came across two quoted paragraphs in Don Hustad's book Jubilate. 

John W. Peterson is a man that wrote many gospel songs and hymns that appear in YOUR  hymnbook. 

This is a very insightful look into  the whole musician / performance-idea in church thing. I don't know how else to describe it, but I think musicians understand what I mean. Here's what he said:

"Throughout the evangelical world, there is a kind of star system, just as there is in every other sphere of life. Human nature is human nature, and despite the grace of God and every good intention, people will put you on a pedestal if you achieve some measure of success. This is especially true where the performing arts and the mass media are involved. The element of entertainment - of show biz - is always present. In a religious telecast or concert. In a Billy Graham crusade. Even in a small-town evangelistic meeting. Why pretend otherwise?

The crucial thing is to keep this element in perspective. If the Lord is using and blessing someone's fame, fine. If it becomes an end in itself or a means to glorify the person, it's another matter. Since the limelight is the inevitable result of a ministry like mine, I have to try to view it through the eyes and understanding of people far wiser than I. How do some of the old catechisms put it?-- The chief end of man [sic] is to glorify God and enjoy him forever."

This is an area that's relative to me, because in our fundamental circles there's such an emphasis on "special music" (we HAVE to have it), and there's almost an expectation that if you are a member of a church and "do" music in any way, then you're expected to perform special music in church. Granted, I LOVE singing in church and playing piano, playing trumpet, whatever it is that I may think of doing. But nothing is more awkward for me than afterwards (even if the actual performance wasn't that technically great), coming down and people come up to me and say "Oh that was so good" "You're so talented" (or worse, people come up to you in tears) and on the list goes. Don't misinterpret this - I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but what in the world do you say? 

Its been common practice in my circles as I was growing up to just say "well Praise the Lord!" The effort is to get the limelight off of you, the musician/performer and onto Christ. But this makes me feel more proud and stuck-up, cause I'm not the guy that walks into church and someone walks up to you and says "hey brother! and I respond "well Amen! Praise the Lord! I'm doing grrrrreat!" There are some people that are like that and are very genuine, but not everybody wears their spiritual life on their shirt sleeve. With some people, including me, its more internalized, and I talk to people and tell them what I'm doing, how I'm overloaded that week, whatever it is. I don't try to fake a high-energy uppity bouncy persona when I'm in church. Some people naturally have it and its NOT fake for them. If I were like that, it would be fake for me. I'm in church to worship God, just like they are. I come to church with needs and burdens too, but I also am in a position of leadership with music and am one provider of special music in my church. 

So when people come to me and express appreciation for the song or the performance of it, I have to humbly remember what JWP said and that my chief end is to glorify God and enjoy him (which I could do if I were in my car by myself singing at the top of my lungs, I don't have to sing in church to glorify God). So what do I do? I have two options - 1. Give a response that would make me feel fake, or 2. Not respond to the personal affirmation at all, which would be rude. Musicians tend to be very analytical and over critical of themselves, whether or not the audience even knows that a wrong note was pressed, or we messed up here, or forgot the words here, or went flat here, etc. At least with me, if I sing or play, all of this is going through my head as I sit down, and somebody comes up later and congratulates on my performance and how much it meant to them, and I'm like "um..... um.... *insert awkward silence*.... thanks?!" 

I've found it to be better to be prepared with a response that is both humble for me, respectful of them, and still gives glory to God, and that is "I'm so glad that ____ song was a blessing to you." That way, I'm not affirming my own personal level of ability, and therefore it gets the attention off of me. I LOVE to be a blessing to people and encourage them, thats what makes me tick. And if God uses my abilities to accomplish that, that makes me happy. 

And I say all that, but question WHY is there special music in the church anyway? What make it "special"? Is there a Biblical precedent for it? No. Historically, the church sang CONGREGATIONALLY to worship God in their assembly. Our gospel-song Christian Baptist culture has created the idea that we need a person to "bless our hearts before the preaching, Amen!" Before 1874, when historic hymnody was the urban (city folks) standard and the folk-hymn shape-note styles were the standards of the rural (country) folks, they still sang together as a congregation. Now, I'm working within a cultural framework that's been created, and in my time, in my church, right now, this is what's wanted. If I said, NO, I'm not going to do special music (And I really do want to because I enjoy it so much - is that bad?) then people would look at me as a snob that has training but "isn't using it for the Lord."

So within the cultural framework that I have, in my church, my desire two-fold: 1) Worship God corporately, and 2) Encourage the hearts of the congregation. I don't cause them to worship. They should be worshiping already, that should be why they came to church. But there's nothing wrong with hearing even a gospel-song (it doesn't always have to be this deep theological hymn) that "stirs the heart" or even makes a person excited. I don't believe that it interrupts the flow of worship and praise towards God. 

There you have it. Its' something that I think most church musicians in not just our fundamental circles deal with, because we work hard and practice and write and prepare rehearsals, and pray about it, and when we "perform" (even though its not about being a performance, its about directing praise to God), we have to deal with the after-shocks of pride that WILL come, and we have to be ready to direct praise off of us, onto God.

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Thank you, Fred Coleman, for your inspiring and thought-provoking classes in American Hymnody and Church Music Administration this semester!